She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
