i don't like sucking hair
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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