super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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