I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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