we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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