He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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