If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
