Who did Billy Mays play for?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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