I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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