Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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