My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
