It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
