saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
