none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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