do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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