the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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