God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
