I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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