is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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