I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
