There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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