Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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