if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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