My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
