But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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