I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
