Can i not drive my cunt home
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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