Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
