you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he was CRYING into my vagina
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You need a sexual gate keeper
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
