it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
