Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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