There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
