Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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