I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
