Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
