The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
