TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
