If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
