Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
