to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
