You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
