So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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