In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
