I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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