My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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