Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
