it wasn't lemon gatorade
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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