I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
