I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
