kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
