I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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