My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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