I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
