I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
