the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
