i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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