I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
