Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
