So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
